What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 00:26
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
So whats the point in blame.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Who is the most dangerous or evilest person of all time?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
It was going to be , some day.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
We all went to grammer schools
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Inside Sly and the Family Stone’s Great, Lost Live Album - Rolling Stone
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
What would explain Trump blaming Ukraine for starting the war with Russia?
Comes on , in middle age.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Why is it so hard to date nowadays?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
According to Trump, Ukraine started the war. Why?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I write beautiful poetry .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Do you regret being married to your current wife?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He knew the spot.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
How many girls or guys keep extra pantyhose in their glove box or console of their vehicle?
I said to her
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And i lived it daily.
I will be 64.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But, we were locked up after school.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Would this be the day?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Ive learnt so much.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I have no regrets .
He resisted the act ,that day.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
What did i know ?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
One cannot live in the past .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
All the time i was locked up.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I couldn’t, believe it.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I was 9 years of age.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She found it foreign!.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But ive been too sick for many years..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But it wasn’t much.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im still living with it.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was scared of men, in general
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My family never makes their pension either.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Put me off passion for life!!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
This is soul school!.
When she asked me how she looked .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I think the readers, may guess!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She married twice! .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I was very sick at this time too.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My life is so biszare .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I was seconnd youngest,
So, i spoilt her more .
I waited trembling.
We were not on the streets..
She loved him until the end.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Who then, do I blame.?
She wouldn,t have been !
I don,t even have a pension.
(And it was in our own minds.)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She was in good health!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.